I wanted to talk about motivation because so many people have this impulse to define themselves by what they fail to do rather than what they actually accomplish.
I see this all the time, I see beautiful, funny, and sensitive people who just read a litany of all the things wrong in their life, an inventory of their mistakes and the times they fell short. They come to me hoping that I can turn them into a different person and I want to shake their shoulders and show them the person I can see. Someone who has taken that massive step of getting my help. Someone who is motivated to improve and move forward. In short, someone who has made the worthy decision to be the person that I can see is already there. The people who achieve the greatest successes when I work with them are invariably the people who let go of their baggage. The people who, instead of saying they “have always smoked”, say they are “done with smoking.” The people who, instead of saying “I’m fat”, say “I’m becoming a size and shape that I am happy with.” I’m reminded of a screenshot I came across a while back. Someone contacted the then Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now, love him or hate him, Arnold has accomplished quite a lot in his life and this is the whole conversation: The message I take away from this is that you shouldn’t allow yourself to be defined by the times you didn’t measure up to the standards you would like. Instead, use those moments to inform your future efforts and acknowledge those moments when you actually did something, accomplished something or moved a step closer to a goal. This is something that is often easier said than done, sometimes the urge to curl up in a ball and pretend that the world can’t hurt us can be overwhelming. However the world isn’t actually cruel, sometimes we are given nothing but bad options and choices but it’s not because the Universe hates you. That is all in your head, sometimes you get given opportunities and sometimes they get taken away. What matters is what you choose to do about it and whether you recognise an opportunity when it comes along? One thing I guarantee though, is that you are never going to notice an opportunity coming up if you spend your life looking backwards, and seeing all those moments that should have been life lessons, instead become chains that hold you back. Sometimes trying, and only getting some of the way there is useful, we learn something about ourselves or we get closer to success next time. Only if you allow yourself to do so though. I think we all tend to sometimes get pessimistic and down on ourselves but, as Arnold suggests, that is just “useless talk” and, as he also says, “don’t be afraid to ask for help.”
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Just hours after I wrote my last newsletter, I found out that a friend of mine, who I have known for at least 25 years, had lost a long-term battle with depression, and taken his own life.
I’m still processing how I feel and, even though we hadn’t been in touch since before COVID, it’s still deeply painful. The thing that stands out to me is that I didn’t even realise that he suffered from depression, he did a remarkable job of concealing it and always seemed to be the life of any discussions. He was animated, passionate and happy to make a joke, even at his own expense. That’s certainly how I am going to remember him, but it is seemingly at odds with this new thing that I learnt with his passing. I did some research in my attempts to understand how I was clueless. In some part of my mind, I felt that my experience in hypnotism should have somehow brought warning signs to my attention even with our sporadic meetings over the last several years. The official figures suggest that about 1 in 6 kiwis suffer from depression at some stage in their life and it can hit anyone. It seems that women are more likely to be affected than men although women are also much more likely to do something about it and seek help. It can even affect children. Depression presents a range of symptoms that are classed as mild to severe and can be recognised by constantly feeling down or hopeless regardless of circumstance, maybe losing interest in things you once enjoyed. Often this is combined with sleep problems or negative feelings in general. There is some degree of stigma associated with depression which is why it can come as a surprise when the occasional celebrity admits to suffering from depression. I want to emphasize that it’s not a sign of ‘weakness’ to suffer depression and I would argue that it is a sign of strength instead to seek help. I also suspect that the official figures are wrong. From anecdotal evidence alone, based on my interactions with clients who don’t believe themselves to be depressed but seem to exhibit those symptoms I suspect that a lot more than 1 in 6 battle with depression at some point in their lives. The good news is that it is treatable. Embattled though our healthcare system is, there are various pharmacological solutions to the more extreme cases. The rest of the time a simple lifestyle change, or psychological therapy can make a world of difference. And don’t forget, hypnotherapy can help too. I would never suggest replacing conventional healthcare, but the reality is that I have different tools at my disposal that your classically trained psychiatrist does not, just as they can prescribe drugs that I could not. With an overworked healthcare system that is under supported though, I believe that hypnosis can be a valuable tool and supplement to beating many forms of depression. Even though it saddens me that I failed to notice my friend’s troubles or help him, I can and have helped people that came to me for depression or depression symptoms. I guess the thing I most want to share here is that it is not a failing if you have to, reach out for help when negative feelings threaten to overwhelm you. If not me, then someone is out there and willing to offer support. Take advantage of them if you need to because no one will think less of you for doing so, and it could make a world of difference. When you’re ready, let’s talk. |
Daniel
Certified hypnotherapist. Archives
August 2024
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